


Where there once was love (now there's only me)

by singinglikeapenguin



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: F/M, at the end though and it's very vague but i prefer to be safe, brief mention of sex, suicide TW
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-29
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-05-29 22:53:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6397207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/singinglikeapenguin/pseuds/singinglikeapenguin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adrien comes home, one month after he and Marinette broke it off.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where there once was love (now there's only me)

**Author's Note:**

> Okay guys, my third work! I decided to rate it as a T because of the reasons in the tags. The end can be interpreted as a suicide BUT it's not explicit, it's a very vague sentence.  
> I listened to The Lonely by Christina Perri while writing this, and I think it'd be nice if you listened to it while reading :)

Adrien stepped past the threshold. Empty halls, dark rooms, cold hearts. He slowly made his way to his room, savouring every step, every touch he laid on the freezing marble. After what felt like an eternity, he managed to reach his destination. Somewhat warmer, somewhat more lived in than the others, his room was every guy’s dream. But in that moment, Adrien felt like the homeliness of it was too overwhelming, too full of memories, too full of her. He gazed at the open space before closing the door and going downstairs to the kitchen to find a snack for Plagg and a reason to not burst into tears. He was met with the chef, who offered him a simple meal upon seeing his face and some cheese, no questions asked. Once Adrien finished, he went back up to confront his room and everything it had left behind.

*

“C’mon Mari, it’s not like you haven’t been in here before” Adrien had grinned at his girlfriend, awestruck by his room.

“Well I’ve never been here as Marinette or during the day. It looks a lot different in the light!” Marinette had retorted at him, locking eyes briefly before continuing her examination of Adrien’s prison-turned-sanctuary. Her reply only had widened the smile on his face. He had walked up behind her and had laid his head on her shoulders, trying to see it all from her point of view. They’d stood in the middle of his room for what felt like forever – and should have been – until Nathalie had come in and had torn Adrien away for another one of his photoshoots. Following his father’s assistant, Adrien had shot a look back at Marinette, admiring her as if he would never see her again. She had smiled and waved upon meeting his gaze. Once he and Nathalie had left, she had grabbed her things and snuck out, unwilling to disturb Gabriel Agreste, unsure she was ready for that particular battle.

*

Adrien stood in the middle of his sombre room, remembering. It was close to midnight, yet he found he couldn’t sleep. Plagg had gone AWOL, so he couldn’t transform and work off his emotions as Chat. He could only stare them in the face until he broke down. He closed his eyes to the world, focusing only on himself. He tried to purge himself of the feelings that had been following him for so long, and yet only succeeded in bringing himself to his knees as a flash of pain ricocheted through his body and he was plunged back into his memories.

*

  
The first time that Marinette had slept over had been oh-so-awkward. They were barely 16 and even without factoring in the sexual tension, they’d had no idea what to do or how to act around each other in such close proximity. They had chosen to spend most days (and nights) in the Agreste mansion over the spring holidays because well, it was practically unoccupied. Adrien had cleared his schedule for the two weeks of break, just so that he could actually spend more than a few hours with his friends. He had invited Marinette over, so that they could enjoy each other’s company, and yet once the evening had come, he’d found himself slightly regretting that choice. In the end, they had sat on his sofa, some random film playing in the background, talking about anything and everything until they fell asleep. The next morning had been almost more awkward, as Mari had woken up on Adrien’s chest. Being … well, being Marinette, she’d jumped upon realising this, waking Adrien in the process, before promptly falling off the sofa. Adrien had looked her with confused, sleep-dazed eyes and had burst into laughter a short while after. Needless to say, it was always infinitely less awkward afterwards.

*

Adrien walked around his room. He let his fingers trail along every surface they came into contact with, stumbling slightly when he touched the cool cloth of his bedsheets. He stopped, looked at it and collapsed onto the soft mattress. He must have fallen asleep, because he jolted awake around 2am that same night. He lifted himself off, noticing the tear stains on the silk sheets, and the dryness of his eyes. Wiping at his face, he willed himself to not recall everything. He willed himself to not think of her, to forget what they had, to forget it had ever existed. He wished it was that easy. He could feel the loneliness creeping up on him, its long, sticklike fingers closing around him, reaching through his chest. Reaching for the one part of him that had yet to forget, to be cut off from emotion. In that moment, he couldn’t remember being anything other than empty and lonely, being anything other than a model, a shell of a person. He wondered if it were better that way. He held his head in his hands and wished it had never happened.

*

The first time they’d had sex, Adrien had been 18 and Marinette just shy of the same age. They had been dating unofficially for some 3 or 4 years. Officially, it had only been around 2 and a half. It had been clumsy. Clumsy kisses and neither of them knew what to do with themselves and neither of them got much pleasure from it but it was done. They had passed what seemed like the ultimate barrier – the confidence needed to strip and join together. It had happened after some uneventful day, where Marinette had gone home with Adrien and they had just sat, content in each other’s company, occasionally sharing a kiss. Neither knew who had initiated it. After that first time, they got better and better at it, at knowing each other and understanding each other. They were on the learning curve, only going up.

*

Adrien lifted his head. He looked around the dark room, illuminated only by the street lamps outside his window. Outside it was raining but he couldn’t hear the raindrops falling on anything. Inside, only silence. The kind of silence that only comes with loneliness and broken hearts. He started humming a tune, one that he would often hear Marinette humming or singing while she worked. He missed watching her give her undivided attention to whatever task was at hand. He missed the way she wouldn’t notice the hours go by. He missed how, when she concentrated enough, she would worry her bottom lip between her teeth. God, he missed her.  
Standing, he moved towards the centre of the room before imagining her with him. Imagining what would have happened that night. He started dancing slowly, swaying in the centre of the room, hoping that the tears wouldn’t start again and that maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t cry himself to sleep for the first time in close to a month.

*

He hadn’t known what had been happening. He couldn’t remember who or how or why this stupid argument had started but suddenly he’d been furious and they had been yelling and –

“I never loved you anyway!” had left his mouth before he could check the words and _oh shit did I just say that?_

Marinette had stopped mid-sentence. 5 years together. 5 years of her life with this person, this person she couldn’t love more if she tried and …

5 years for nothing.

She had looked at him, tears filling her eyes.

“Why did you stay then?” she’d whispered. Adrien had become panicked, he had started crying, knowing where this was going, knowing that he had stepped past the line that he never should have crossed, knowing that there was no going back and he had passed the point of no return.

“I – I didn’t mean that you know I didn’t I just… I don’t know what came over me, Mari I’m so sorry please let me make it up to you, please just, believe me, I never wanted to hurt you -”

Marinette had cut him off halfway with a small “but you did. And you promised that you would never hurt me. And you’ve broken that promise. Why should I believe that you won’t again?”

Adrien had been left speechless by the emotion in her eyes and the sternness of her face. He’d opened his mouth but she beat him to the chase.

“I think…” she had started, swallowing back a sob “I think you should leave.”

She’d taken a step back from him before turning around and fleeing to another room where she could let go of her emotions. Adrien had stared at the empty space in front of him for a few beats, unsure what this meant for them, and had turned around and left.

*

A month later, he knew what it meant. He knew there was no going back. He had accepted it. But he didn’t know who he was without her. He was some husk of who he used to be, who he wanted to be. It had been a month of radio silence. When he hung out with Alya, Nino and her, she avoided him, sticking close to Alya instead. They very quickly stopped spending time together, like they used to. Adrien had learnt to spend his evenings in some form of bar where he wouldn’t be recognised. He never got drunk, he would barely drink. He would instead observe the comings and goings of different people, and would envy the couples that would come in from time to time. He would see young families, and wish that was his life. He’d leave when the emotions became too strong, when they threatened to overtake him. He would go home and sleep in a different room every night, not before hesitating every time at the threshold, unwilling to confront the loneliness that plagued him.

The lonely had taken Marinette’s place. It was his constant companion. He had lost jobs and offers because he just couldn’t bring himself together. He was alone in the end. He’d had a sad beginning and a happy middle, it was only fitting that he have a sad end as well.

5 years of his life washed away with one misstep. He could wash away more if he tried.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry.


End file.
